1. |
Starbucks Bathroom
02:27
|
|||
It’s that time of year
Sleigh bells hung, Christmas cheer
Decorate the eggnog jar
The mistletoe is on my car
And the best part of season
Is using Starbucks bathroom
I’m there 4 times a day
Sometimes more, I’ll be there soon
This Christmas, I know where I’m gonna be
This Christmas, I’ll bring mom and dad along with me
This Christmas, while I’m singin’ my song
I’ll be in the Starbucks bathroom baby, I hope you’ll come along
Santa’s on my firepit
But I’m not home, I had to split
Jingle sticks and Christmas trucks
There’s nothing better than the bathroom at Starbucks
There’s rolls of TP
Which make everyone smile
That’s why this Christmas
I’m gonna stay there for a long, long while
The coffee boy he wants to kick me out
The coffee boy he wants to kick me out
Where’s your eggnog, coffee boy?
The coffee boy he doesn’t seem to understand
That it’s CHRISTMAS
This Christmas, I know where I’m gonna be
This Christmas, I’m bringin’ Pops and Nanna along with me
This Christmas, while I’m singin’ my song
I’ll be in the Starbucks bathroom baby, I hope you’ll come along
|
||||
2. |
||||
Christmas is another word for summer
That’s what all the children say
Let’s cook a turkey on the beach
And listen to Damien Marley all day
This Christmas I’ll put on my best winter fleece
A fleece is just a pair of swim trunks, worn on the sand in the sun with your friends, cause Christmas is another word summer, and swim trunks, and Damien Marley
Some people only know of Bobby
They think he’s the only reggae star
But not me boy, I did my research
I know the reggae world spans very far
This Christmas, we’ll bring a big jambox to the beach
We’ll play the Marleys and Mariah Carey, cause nothing’s better than a little reggae in the sun on Christmas, should I say summer
You don’t need hit that silly stick to enjoy that reggae by the beach, whoah-oh-oh-oh
I enjoy it with my family and the Christmas goose, oh oh oh
Which is actually a bath towel that I brought to the beach on Lake Erie, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, everybody loves summer, Christmas, synonymous, reggae means the same thing, all words mean the same thing,
Jack Johnson, best reggae star…..we can all agree, he’s the best, everyone is good, Marleys are good, but Jack Johnson, really…he’s the best reggae star
|
||||
3. |
||||
Pour the eggnog on the holiday wreath
The holiday wreath, the holiday wreath
Pour the eggnog on the holiday wreath
Or Santa won’t come over tomorrow
Pour the eggnog all over me
I’ll pour it on you if you pour it on me
Pour the eggnog all over the meat
And we’ll all pour it over the tree
Where’s the eggnog from the eggnog boy?
Get the eggnog from the eggnog boy!
Where’s that silly little eggnog boy?
Why did he try and run away?
Santa, get your sleigh, let’s go chase him
Chasin’ the eggnog boy with Santa’s sleigh
Mistletoe, carriage ride, reindeer sleigh
And we’re all gonna chase that boy, oh!
Jump on the boy, get the eggnog back
Punch his fat sack, get the eggnog back
Jump on the boy, get the eggnog back
Or Santa’s not comin’ tonight!
Santa’s gonna come tonight!
Santa’s cummin in my eggnog!
|
||||
4. |
||||
Nutmeg on my mistletoe
Eveybody wants to know
Matthew where’d you go last Christmas?
Chestnuts on my countertop
My whole family they won’t stop
Asking where I go on Christmas
I tell them I go away to a field in Toledo
Where I wait all day for a man to take me to
Another field where I get flown away in an airboat
By a half-man half-fish called the grand halibut
Save your body, keep it pure
Jingle presents horse, be sure
To stay clean for him on Christmas
Smile under nutmeg-toe
Carriage rides, we never know
When he will arrive on Christmas
Let’s go away to an island on Fiji
With like-minded people with one single belief
That our holy Guy will come whisk us away from our wives and turn us into crabs that can talk but we must keep ourselves clean and pure for the Grand Halibut
|
||||
5. |
||||
Oh, the Christmas tickle is when I go into a grocery store
And tickle adults til admit that it’s Christmas time
Then I hide in the family restroom til the grocery store security leaves
Then I go about my tickling, then I buy some ham
I'd like to join you in this Christmas tickle tonight
I'd like to come with you, I think it's gonna be a special night
Christmas tree chocolate sleigh bell reindeer and dinner with an eggnog goose
Wreath santa lights virgin Mary white snow and a Christmas tickle tonight
Matthew can you handle it?
(Oh yes I can)
Can you handle it?
(You gotta see me tickle, Beef)
But Matthew can you handle it?
(I'm gonna tickle so hard)
Can you do the Christmas tickle Matthew?
(I said I can!)
Ok then hop in my rental Mazda and let's go to Wegmans and do some tickle damage
YEA! You gotta tickle everyone that you see
(I'm going on a tickle spree)
And that's including me
(I'm handing out my tickles for free
Matthew can you handle it?
(Oh yes I can)
Can you handle it?
(You gotta see me tickle, Beef)
But Matthew can you handle it?
(I'm gonna tickle so hard)
Can you do the Christmas tickle Matthew?
(I said I can!)
|
||||
6. |
||||
My two favorite Christmas carols - why not put them together?
|
||||
7. |
||||
I can’t be going bald this Christmas
That’s not on my list of Holiday things to do
I can’t be going bald this Christmas
Cause I love you
I drank some insecticide a week ago
I thought it would temporarily shrink me
But now my hair is falling out in chunks
And I never even got the chance to sneak into Macy’s
I was gonna go there (at night) as a tiny man
With my tiny parachute
And parachute off the giant Macy’s tree
I was gonna do that all for you
But now I’m going bald this Christmas
Because I drank some stuff to try and shrink down to
A tiny insect-man this Christmas
Cause I love you
|
||||
8. |
Holly Jolly Mistletoe
01:33
|
|||
Holly Jolly Mistletoe
Holly Jolly Mistletoe
Bring that holly jolly here
And that holly jolly there
And mistletoe surrounds us this Christmas
Bang my stocking mistletoe on Christmas
Bang my stocking underneath the mistletoe
Holly jolly bang my stocking, santa’s on his sleigh
Find me more nutmeg for this Christmas
Snorting nutmeg as a family
Skating on our icey skates
Razor blades are found in my oatmeal
Hot cocoa flows on Christmas
Skating skating skating skating nutmeg
Snorting snorting snorting snorting ice skates
Santa’s on my sleigh
I’m on Santa’s lap
Me and santa snorting nutmeg, Christmas
Me and santa snorting nutmeg, Christmas
Me and santa snorting nutmeg, Christmas
|
||||
9. |
Stocking's Hung
00:43
|
|||
THERES NOTHING QUITE LIKE A STOCKING HUNG UP ABOVE THE SHRINE IS THERE?!?
|
||||
10. |
I Wonder As I Walk
02:26
|
|||
I wonder as I walk, about so many things
How do people know it’s definitely Christmas?
And when is Christmas day really over?
So many questions, I wonder as I walk
I wonder as I waddle, about so many things
Often I wonder about my good friend Keith
Where is Keith today? Why can’t I reach him?
All of these questions, they waddle in my mind
Why does Keith now make me pay for studio time?
He’s such a good friend, he used to do this for free
How much money will Keith make me pay this time?
How long will he take to master my album?
Why isn’t Keith returning my phone calls?
Did Keith forget I’m recording a new Christmas album?
Is my good friend Keith...is he waddling elsewhere?
Would my best friend Keith mind if I broke into his studio?
All of these questions they waddle in my mind
oops I spilled a little Orangina on Keith's mixing board
|
||||
11. |
It's Christmas
02:10
|
|||
Hang your stockings my dear, it’s Christmas
Nice to have you near on Christmas
It’s that special day, our hearts are on display
We’re all here, it’s Christmas
I’ll find that special kind of love on Christmas
From the Grand Halibut up above on Christmas
He’ll whisk me away in his giant airboat
As long as I stay clean til Christmas
Christmas is for lovers
And he will love me the most
As long as I give him
a wheel-barrel full of shrimp tails
He’s the only one for me, he loves me I’m sure
And that’s why, my dear, I’ll stay pure (til Christmas)
The Grand Halibut is not far away, jinglebellsChristmas
We’ll go off to a star that day of merryhorseChristmas
And if he doesn’t show, then my dear you know
I’ll stay a virgin one more Christmas
|
||||
12. |
||||
Matthew, tell me more
Matthew tell me more
Matthew tell me more about Christmas
Matthew, tell me more
Matthew tell me more
Matthew tell me more about Christmas
Well, Santa comes over and I slap him around
I slap him around til he’s on the ground
He gets back up and we dance around
Then he gives me a bath with a reindeer
Matthew, tell me more
Matthew tell me more
Matthew tell me more about Christmas
I don’t sleep and I don’t shave
Knowin’ any day that Shingle Dave
Will steal me away and lock me in a cave
That’s what I love about Christmas
When you’re in the cave, what do you do?
I drink eggnog with a caribou
We eat bad shrimp and turkey wine
I soak my ass in pickle brine
Ass so fat it makes me wanna scat, you know I can't can't can't help that
scoo doobely be be bop a scooba doodoo wadda sho
Your scat track macks, now I gotta sax
Well I like when you do those root toot toots
The jazzy flutes and the trumpet scoots
My cult is lookin for new recruits
You should join us this Christmas
Join the great grand halibut
You’ll get your wish when a giant fish
Squishes a dish of knish with a swish
You’re talkin’ bout the great grand halibut
Yup, he’s a slut, he lives in a hut
He’ll punch your butt while he juts out smut
Grand Halibut
Matthew tell me more
Matthew tell me more
Matthew tell me more about Christmas
There’s a one time initiation fee
After that, everything’s free
Plus you’ll get a brand new family
That’s what I love about Christmas
CarolGrinch
Plum Cake
Elf house
Jingle nuts
Nutmeg
Virgin
Grand Halibut
|
Streaming and Download help
If you like Matthew Bright, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp