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Christmas Is Another Word For Christmas (DELUXE EDITION)

by Matthew Bright

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1.
It’s that time of year Sleigh bells hung, Christmas cheer Decorate the eggnog jar The mistletoe is on my car And the best part of season Is using Starbucks bathroom I’m there 4 times a day Sometimes more, I’ll be there soon This Christmas, I know where I’m gonna be This Christmas, I’ll bring mom and dad along with me This Christmas, while I’m singin’ my song I’ll be in the Starbucks bathroom baby, I hope you’ll come along Santa’s on my firepit But I’m not home, I had to split Jingle sticks and Christmas trucks There’s nothing better than the bathroom at Starbucks There’s rolls of TP Which make everyone smile That’s why this Christmas I’m gonna stay there for a long, long while The coffee boy he wants to kick me out The coffee boy he wants to kick me out Where’s your eggnog, coffee boy? The coffee boy he doesn’t seem to understand That it’s CHRISTMAS This Christmas, I know where I’m gonna be This Christmas, I’m bringin’ Pops and Nanna along with me This Christmas, while I’m singin’ my song I’ll be in the Starbucks bathroom baby, I hope you’ll come along
2.
Christmas is another word for summer That’s what all the children say Let’s cook a turkey on the beach And listen to Damien Marley all day This Christmas I’ll put on my best winter fleece A fleece is just a pair of swim trunks, worn on the sand in the sun with your friends, cause Christmas is another word summer, and swim trunks, and Damien Marley Some people only know of Bobby They think he’s the only reggae star But not me boy, I did my research I know the reggae world spans very far This Christmas, we’ll bring a big jambox to the beach We’ll play the Marleys and Mariah Carey, cause nothing’s better than a little reggae in the sun on Christmas, should I say summer You don’t need hit that silly stick to enjoy that reggae by the beach, whoah-oh-oh-oh I enjoy it with my family and the Christmas goose, oh oh oh Which is actually a bath towel that I brought to the beach on Lake Erie, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, everybody loves summer, Christmas, synonymous, reggae means the same thing, all words mean the same thing, Jack Johnson, best reggae star…..we can all agree, he’s the best, everyone is good, Marleys are good, but Jack Johnson, really…he’s the best reggae star
3.
Pour the eggnog on the holiday wreath The holiday wreath, the holiday wreath Pour the eggnog on the holiday wreath Or Santa won’t come over tomorrow Pour the eggnog all over me I’ll pour it on you if you pour it on me Pour the eggnog all over the meat And we’ll all pour it over the tree Where’s the eggnog from the eggnog boy? Get the eggnog from the eggnog boy! Where’s that silly little eggnog boy? Why did he try and run away? Santa, get your sleigh, let’s go chase him Chasin’ the eggnog boy with Santa’s sleigh Mistletoe, carriage ride, reindeer sleigh And we’re all gonna chase that boy, oh! Jump on the boy, get the eggnog back Punch his fat sack, get the eggnog back Jump on the boy, get the eggnog back Or Santa’s not comin’ tonight! Santa’s gonna come tonight! Santa’s cummin in my eggnog!
4.
Nutmeg on my mistletoe Eveybody wants to know Matthew where’d you go last Christmas? Chestnuts on my countertop My whole family they won’t stop Asking where I go on Christmas I tell them I go away to a field in Toledo Where I wait all day for a man to take me to Another field where I get flown away in an airboat By a half-man half-fish called the grand halibut Save your body, keep it pure Jingle presents horse, be sure To stay clean for him on Christmas Smile under nutmeg-toe Carriage rides, we never know When he will arrive on Christmas Let’s go away to an island on Fiji With like-minded people with one single belief That our holy Guy will come whisk us away from our wives and turn us into crabs that can talk but we must keep ourselves clean and pure for the Grand Halibut
5.
Oh, the Christmas tickle is when I go into a grocery store And tickle adults til admit that it’s Christmas time Then I hide in the family restroom til the grocery store security leaves Then I go about my tickling, then I buy some ham I'd like to join you in this Christmas tickle tonight I'd like to come with you, I think it's gonna be a special night Christmas tree chocolate sleigh bell reindeer and dinner with an eggnog goose Wreath santa lights virgin Mary white snow and a Christmas tickle tonight Matthew can you handle it? (Oh yes I can) Can you handle it? (You gotta see me tickle, Beef) But Matthew can you handle it? (I'm gonna tickle so hard) Can you do the Christmas tickle Matthew? (I said I can!) Ok then hop in my rental Mazda and let's go to Wegmans and do some tickle damage YEA! You gotta tickle everyone that you see (I'm going on a tickle spree) And that's including me (I'm handing out my tickles for free Matthew can you handle it? (Oh yes I can) Can you handle it? (You gotta see me tickle, Beef) But Matthew can you handle it? (I'm gonna tickle so hard) Can you do the Christmas tickle Matthew? (I said I can!)
6.
My two favorite Christmas carols - why not put them together?
7.
I can’t be going bald this Christmas That’s not on my list of Holiday things to do I can’t be going bald this Christmas Cause I love you I drank some insecticide a week ago I thought it would temporarily shrink me But now my hair is falling out in chunks And I never even got the chance to sneak into Macy’s I was gonna go there (at night) as a tiny man With my tiny parachute And parachute off the giant Macy’s tree I was gonna do that all for you But now I’m going bald this Christmas Because I drank some stuff to try and shrink down to A tiny insect-man this Christmas Cause I love you
8.
Holly Jolly Mistletoe Holly Jolly Mistletoe Bring that holly jolly here And that holly jolly there And mistletoe surrounds us this Christmas Bang my stocking mistletoe on Christmas Bang my stocking underneath the mistletoe Holly jolly bang my stocking, santa’s on his sleigh Find me more nutmeg for this Christmas Snorting nutmeg as a family Skating on our icey skates Razor blades are found in my oatmeal Hot cocoa flows on Christmas Skating skating skating skating nutmeg Snorting snorting snorting snorting ice skates Santa’s on my sleigh I’m on Santa’s lap Me and santa snorting nutmeg, Christmas Me and santa snorting nutmeg, Christmas Me and santa snorting nutmeg, Christmas
9.
THERES NOTHING QUITE LIKE A STOCKING HUNG UP ABOVE THE SHRINE IS THERE?!?
10.
I wonder as I walk, about so many things How do people know it’s definitely Christmas? And when is Christmas day really over? So many questions, I wonder as I walk I wonder as I waddle, about so many things Often I wonder about my good friend Keith Where is Keith today? Why can’t I reach him? All of these questions, they waddle in my mind Why does Keith now make me pay for studio time? He’s such a good friend, he used to do this for free How much money will Keith make me pay this time? How long will he take to master my album? Why isn’t Keith returning my phone calls? Did Keith forget I’m recording a new Christmas album? Is my good friend Keith...is he waddling elsewhere? Would my best friend Keith mind if I broke into his studio? All of these questions they waddle in my mind oops I spilled a little Orangina on Keith's mixing board
11.
Hang your stockings my dear, it’s Christmas Nice to have you near on Christmas It’s that special day, our hearts are on display We’re all here, it’s Christmas I’ll find that special kind of love on Christmas From the Grand Halibut up above on Christmas He’ll whisk me away in his giant airboat As long as I stay clean til Christmas Christmas is for lovers And he will love me the most As long as I give him a wheel-barrel full of shrimp tails He’s the only one for me, he loves me I’m sure And that’s why, my dear, I’ll stay pure (til Christmas) The Grand Halibut is not far away, jinglebellsChristmas We’ll go off to a star that day of merryhorseChristmas And if he doesn’t show, then my dear you know I’ll stay a virgin one more Christmas
12.
Matthew, tell me more Matthew tell me more Matthew tell me more about Christmas Matthew, tell me more Matthew tell me more Matthew tell me more about Christmas Well, Santa comes over and I slap him around I slap him around til he’s on the ground He gets back up and we dance around Then he gives me a bath with a reindeer Matthew, tell me more Matthew tell me more Matthew tell me more about Christmas I don’t sleep and I don’t shave Knowin’ any day that Shingle Dave Will steal me away and lock me in a cave That’s what I love about Christmas When you’re in the cave, what do you do? I drink eggnog with a caribou We eat bad shrimp and turkey wine I soak my ass in pickle brine Ass so fat it makes me wanna scat, you know I can't can't can't help that scoo doobely be be bop a scooba doodoo wadda sho Your scat track macks, now I gotta sax Well I like when you do those root toot toots The jazzy flutes and the trumpet scoots My cult is lookin for new recruits You should join us this Christmas Join the great grand halibut You’ll get your wish when a giant fish Squishes a dish of knish with a swish You’re talkin’ bout the great grand halibut Yup, he’s a slut, he lives in a hut He’ll punch your butt while he juts out smut Grand Halibut Matthew tell me more Matthew tell me more Matthew tell me more about Christmas There’s a one time initiation fee After that, everything’s free Plus you’ll get a brand new family That’s what I love about Christmas CarolGrinch Plum Cake Elf house Jingle nuts Nutmeg Virgin Grand Halibut

credits

released December 20, 2017

Matthew Bright, vocals and instruments
Tubby Bright, background vocals
Choir of the Great Lakes Disciples of the Grand Halibut
The Erie All-Poly Vocal Jazz Singers
Tea Geatty, sax

Special Thanks: Sarah Cowdery, Chris Fleming, Tom Lowery, my best friend Beef Hutchins, my BEAUTIFUL sister Tubby Bright, my great friend Keith, and of course Our Holy Guy The Grand Halibut

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